Anonymous asked: Stop posting sad shit....just call me instead!
Oh? And how am I supposed to do that if I don’t know you? :P
Anonymous asked: IM me on Yahoo Msngr it's important. my username is wilsonneslerkk121371
Okay! *slowly clicks the delete button* …………………….
Anonymous asked: *is taken aback* what? me? lol you have no idea who this is!
Mm hm :) so, then, what’s up anon?
Anonymous asked: Jennaaaaaa! 'Lo! :)
Hiiiii! :)
I KNOW who you are, so don’t think you’ve fooled me by being all anon ;)
Mm…Times have certainly changed….(Rant part One)
How long has it been? Too long. Too much has happened, that I cannot bear. I really feel, just, sad about the person I’ve become. A liar, self loathing, a thief, no self esteem, afraid, paranoid, distrustful, alone. In eighteen years of living, I never thought that I would want the world to stop so much. I am not suicidal by any means…..I just want the world to stop, let me off, and keep going about its business. I don’t want to get up in the mornings and go out into the world. Feel the judgement. I can’t love others because I don’t love myself yet, but that is I guess a work in progress. I wish I could just start over. Not go back in time, but start anew, right from this moment. I want to be real, and those who I know and who love me will hate me for lying to them all these years. How would I ever get their trust back? Hm. What a dilemma….
I hate the situation I’m in right now, romantically. I think that I care about my other half more than anything else on this planet. I worry….because we aren’t working out. It’s just not working. There is lots of fighting, heavy fighting as well as explosions over trivial things. I tried breaking up with her, but the agony was so blinding..you don’t understand…..everyone says she is using me for my money. What money? I don’t have any any more. And while I regret telling her I had the money (I spent almost all of it on her) I don’t like blaming her for it. Why should I? But, damn my bleeding heart. I fell for my own heart, telling me that she needed money, that giving away 1500 bucks was….philanthropic. But by the time it was all gone, I didn’t feel good. I felt a terror that I didn’t know I had. Money is a hard line for me. I need it. And I didn’t know this because there has always been a good financial cushion surrounding me. So, having no money in the bank was terrifying.
Anyway, this situation has caused so much tension for us, and has been the root of some of our fights. I hate it, I hate asking her for money (I don’t have a job, she does) I hate her asking me for money (I’m broke)….I hate it all.
On top of that, I don’t like going out with her in public. Like what the fuck is wrong with me? she’s amazing and gorgeous and loving. I just…..can’t some days. I mean, it takes extreme self confidence and courage to be able to hold hands and stuff in public, and some days I. Just. Can’t. I’m tired of the daily struggle, of having my business out there for all to see. I’ve been this way for years, the feelings are just elecated because I’m romantically involved and it’s a same-sex issue. I wish my private life was private, but she doesn’t want it. It seems that anything I find negative she doesn’t understand, and it causes us to bump heads all the time. I…….well, I wish I could lock her away in the house and never have to go out into the world. It would be heaven :) but, reality is reality and I can’t change it. I’m mortified by it, but she likes (even needs) it.
Part Two, coming soon. Maybe tonight, who knows.
"Don’t mind me…..I’m just a nobody."
Yesterday, I turned 18
………….that is all. lol.
When I’m an adult and have kids I will make/buy this and then ask my kids if they want some:
They’ll be all
“Um, no thanks.”
And I’m like “Are you sure?”
“Yup.”
“Positive?”
“Yes, mom.”
“Okay, then me and your father will eat it.”
And they’re all
Until I cut that bitch, then they’re all
“Oh, now you want some, right? Too bad.”
(via nerdhugger)
RUN.
My Attempt At Poetry
It’s interesting
to look over at you
and see you sleeping
dreaming
living a whole other life in your head
next to me.
I lean over and kiss you gently
quietly, and
surprisingly
you delight me by smiling, although you continue
to keep your eyes closed.
And then you whisper “hi” and I smile
while
saying “hi” back, and rest my chin on your shoulder
and kiss your neck, and intertwine our fingers.
I watch the SunRise in your eyes as they slowly open
dancing and glistening, full of life and love, to meet mine.
And we love to lay this way,
me, caressing and tracing and loving every inch
and you, well, just being you.
<3
©TheFallenDreamWeaver2011
